Letters I'll Never Send
by FeelingsUnited
Summary: It's everything you ever wanted to say to her but you just couldn't. So instead you do the only thing you know how, write and try your hardest to move on. A/N: This is NOT in chronological order. This is in Beca's POV.
1. Chapter 1

Honestly it's a weird feeling. I just don't feel like me right now and I'm not quiet sure why. Did I go back to the person a was a few years ago? No. But going back to those memories is painful to say the least. I keep revisiting certain memories hoping to find that last bit of closure that I so badly am grasping for. I want to know that I wasn't to blame. That I am not the reason we aren't friends. And those memories don't hold that closure for me. It's in the present and in the future. It's the closure I need from her but the kind I need from myself. I keep saying I'm fine and it wasn't my fault hoping desperately hoping that it will sink in and I can move on. Unfortunately I don't think I'd working quiet yet. And I don't know if it ever will. Will I be forever hung up on her. Is that what I'm scared of now? Not being able to move on properly. Because I'm not scared of losing her. Not by a long shot. I want to move on and I want to be done with her. But I have so much to thank her for. I honestly don't know where'd I be today without her. And maybe that's all I want or all I need for closure. No reasons for why we had to fight because I know them as well as she does, but just the chance to tell her thanks and show her I really did grow up and become the person we'd always hope I'd become.

 **A/N: I know this is short. The next one will hopefully be much longer! Until then**

 **-FeelingsUnited**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** **Thank you guys for all this amazing support on the first chapter. Hopefully this chapter will meet your expectations. Well here goes haha... BTW this letter was written before the last one.  
**

Heartbreak is the easiest way to describe it. She was my everything or at least that's what I wanted to believe. It all ended so fast, yet so slow at the same time. Looking back I can see how I slowly lost her, the small signs I wish I had seen way back when. I think I needed that though. It's part of my story. Sure it's not the happiest chapter by far, but its an important part. Because of her I know I'm getting closer to knowing who I truly am. The story doesn't have the happy ending I had wished for, but maybe it's the ending I needed. Could I have truly been happy with her, I'll ever know. But I do know when things ended with her, I still wasn't sure who I was. Yeah sure I was Beca Effin' Mitchell, but who was she really? I thought I knew who I was but I really didn't and I think I needed to go through all the hurt to come out the better on the other side. But despite all that I've learned I sometimes want to go back. I want her and I want that future. I know I need to move on, but I can't because I'm still hoping on that 0.00000001% chance that she'll change her mind. I had really thought that she was it for me. I thought I would grow old and have a family with her. I guess she wasn't and I need to let go, but she was my first love and I really can't help it. Sometimes, I wish that I never met her, that I didn't fall love, that I still don't remember all her favorite things to this day, that she didn't ruin some of my favorites by making them her own. Maybe we were never meant to be, or maybe we just met at the wrong time, when we weren't right or ready each other. Funny how fate works isn't it? As much as I want to forget our time together, I know I never can because it was something and while I will never know what it could've become, I will always know what it was, love.

 **A/N: Hey guys! Hope you enjoyed the chapter. I'm thinking of starting another series but I'm not quite sure what I want to write about. Leave a review if you guys have any ideas for me. The next chapter for this story should be up within the week but with school and work I'm not sure when I'll be able to write again. Welp until then, see ya!**


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